if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
