census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
