So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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