If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
