i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The best revenge is premature balding
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
