HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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