Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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