Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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