Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
