thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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