I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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