I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
