You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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