My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
