If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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