Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
