i love accidental penises.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
