hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
