whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
