I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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