Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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