Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
