The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
