By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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