I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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