just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
