Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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