A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
