On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Terrible idea I love it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
