How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
