Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
