Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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