dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A bitchslap is in order.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
