If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
