And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
