Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
