Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone signed my nipple.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
