Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
