So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
