Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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