She's JV to your varsity
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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