I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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