C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i came on her dog
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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