I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
