Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
