If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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