Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
