No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
last night I used snow as a chaser
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
