So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
