I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
