smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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