and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
