where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
