woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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