Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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