but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
