Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
