I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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