I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
