Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
