I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
