Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
