I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
