now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize